A bride-to-be decided that she doesn’t want her mom at her wedding, and it’s causing a lot of drama in her family. However, others are thinking that she made the right decision.
Taking to Reddit‘s “Am I the A–hole” forum, a woman explained that she and her mom used to be extremely close.
However, things changed drastically between them when she was a teen and haven’t been fixed since. As a result, when it was time to put together a guest list for her wedding, she decided not to have her mom there.
She explained the decision and revealed what the “last straw” was in their relationship. Looking for advice, the woman was assured that she hadn’t made the wrong decision.
Keep reading to find out more…
In her post, the bride explained that it all stemmed from an incident that took place when she was only 15. It all involved her mom’s parents.
“Growing up I never met my grandparents from my mom’s side of the family. Anytime I would ask about them, she would give a vague answer as to why not. I wanted to met them,” the Redditor explained.
She continued, adding, “I found them online and we started messaging. Around my birthday, they wanted to met up and give me a gift. I invited them to my birthday party. Long story short they showed up and my mom basically had a panic attack. The cops were called and I learned that they were awful people.”
The woman recalled that she got in trouble for the decision and her stepdad called her “awful.” Her relationships at home changed as a result, and she said that she felt treated like she was “a piece of s— under their shoe.”
“They claimed they just needed time to process and everything would go back to normal. It never did, no matter how much I apologized and tried to make it up to them,” she wrote, adding that she’d been told “all trust was lost.”
It was worst with her mom, who “wouldn’t talk to [her]” and “ignored [her] every chance she got.”
“I went to college thinking that would help, but distance and it didn’t. I went to therapy at college and they helped me see that my relationship was over. That I shouldn’t continue to be punished for something I did at 15,” she recalled.
According to the woman, she continued to try. Her “last straw” came when she graduated and invited her mom to be there.
“She asked to see the invite list because I couldn’t be trusted (I haven’t talked to my grandparents since that birthday years ago).I told her to forget it,” the woman wrote, adding that her relationship with her mom and stepdad is now limited to “family gatherings” and that they didn’t engage “at all.”
With her wedding approaching, the woman made the decision to not invite her parents.
“Other people talked about it and my mom found out,” she wrote, adding, “She called asking why she wasn’t invited and we got into an [argument].”
The bride-to-be explained, “She claims I should invite her and I told her no. It went on for a while and I told her she is just as bad as her own mother and hung up.”
“I have been getting a lot of texts, and my brother told me I should invite her, and she is a [wreck]. My stepfather tried to talk to me about it but I [basically] told him to f— off.”
Keep up with more wedding drama!
The woman sought reassurance that she hadn’t made the wrong choices, and fellow Redditors rushed to assure her that she should not be held accountable for things that happened when she was a teen.
“If she had been honest and upfront with you about her parents, you would not have invited them. You were a teenager who didn’t know better,” one person wrote. “To punish you for years for a bad decision you made at 15? That’s on your mother and yes, makes her just as bad as her own parents, in a different way.”
They added, “If you had invited her to your wedding, she would definitely demand to see the guest list, again. You’re doing fine without her. This is the consequence of her own actions, she can live with it now. She’ll just blame you for everything anyway.”
Another person added that the woman now realized her relationship with her mom was “toxic,” saying, “Though the enablers of your mom and stepfather will try to shame you and manipulate you to do what they want, you will get no benefit. What you will get is hurt again and a tainted wedding. Don’t let others second guess what you know to be right.”
“[Original poster] the only reason your mom n step father are upset is because you took away their power,” someone counseled the bride. “By failing to invite them, they— more so your mom couldn’t ignore you nor decline your invite. They couldn’t hurt you by ignoring your invitation—-they treated you unfairly, for far too long.”
Continuing, they wrote, “They have no right to celebrate your future and having no contribution nor having met your future spouse. OP bravo to you for building your life, now go get married. Ignore the naysayers—they have no idea of pain you unfairly carried. Congratulations”
