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Movement means everything to Melissa Marsigliano. And that’s not just because her two lively boys, Declan, 4, and Donovan, 2, keep her on her toes.

Marsigliano struggled to feel like herself again after her second pregnancy. When it felt like postpartum depression was threatening to consume her, she discovered Pilates.

“It brought me back to life,” she told Health. “Movement and wellness ended up playing a huge role in helping me reconnect with myself again.”

Postpartum depression started to surface after the birth of your second son. How did you realize something wasn’t right?

Melissa Marsigliano: There was a moment I realized I wasn’t myself. I was in the shower about a month after giving birth, and I just broke down. I fell to the floor crying. I remember feeling heavy. 

A lot of factors led to that moment, starting with a difficult labor. For my first son, everything was textbook—my water broke, we went to the hospital, and I kind of expected that same experience the second time. But it was completely different.

It was also scary. Donovan got stuck in the birth canal. Doctors had to rotate him a certain way for a safe delivery, and if they couldn’t, it could have been very bad.

Shortly after delivery, Donovan failed his hearing test. We learned he had a heart murmur and a hole in his heart. I kept thinking, Why is this happening? What did I do wrong during my pregnancy? On top of everything, I wasn’t producing enough milk. I had to supplement with formula, which my aggressive lactation consultant didn’t fully support. 

Our first night home with him, Donovan was so fussy. My older son came back from my parents with hand, foot, and mouth disease (coxsackie), so he couldn’t be near me or the newborn. My husband had to be separated from me to take care of him. I felt completely alone.

Feedings were a challenge, too. We went to so many doctors before we found out the baby had a milk protein allergy. For three weeks, he was basically being tortured, and I felt so guilty.

You went through so much at once—two young kids, a difficult birth, health scares. What was the hardest part emotionally?

Marsigliano: I felt like no one understood me. There was also a lot of negative commentary and unsolicited advice when what I really needed was encouragement.

At all the baby checkups, they give moms a wellness questionnaire. The only things I answered “yes” to were loneliness and not enjoying things. When they scored it, they said it wasn’t technically depression—but I knew I wasn’t normal. I’m usually someone who’s always doing something, always upbeat. That wasn’t me anymore.

What kind of support do you wish you had?

Marsigliano: What I needed was simple: someone to call me and ask, “How are you doing?” Just to break up the routine.

I felt like, I’m the mom—I need to be strong for my boys. I wanted to reach out to someone, but I assumed everyone else was dealing with their own stuff.

I was trying to pump, trying to take care of the baby, and I was completely isolated because people couldn’t come over due to Declan’s coxsackie. It felt like no one wanted to come anyway.

I remember being in a Long Island moms Facebook group and learning a woman in the group took her life. We had given birth around the same time. I remember reading her story and just wanting to hug her—I felt like I knew her. 

Mental health just isn’t prioritized enough. People just need to check in.

You’ve talked about mourning your pre-baby identity. How did that affect your sense of self?

Marsigliano: I hated how I looked and felt. Nobody prepares you for how much your body changes—your clothes don’t fit, nothing feels like you.

Social media made it worse. I was like, How is everyone so happy right now?

There was also so much unsolicited advice—people telling me what I “needed” to do instead of just asking how I was doing.

I felt like I wasn’t a person anymore. I felt like a machine that gave birth.

I’ve always been the cheerleader for everyone else, and suddenly I didn’t have that person for me. And I don’t think people expected me to struggle like that or knew how to react to it. 

Exercise served as a sort of turning point. How did it become more than just a workout?

Marsigliano: I had done mat Pilates a long time ago, but I wanted to try reformer Pilates. It brought me back to life.

When you’re doing Pilates, you have to focus so much—on your breathing, your muscles, your form. I was finally able to focus on something that wasn’t bottles or diapers.

I got certified as an instructor and started teaching. I ended up creating a Pilates and wellness expo because I wanted to learn more and meet people in the community. I posted about it on TikTok, and the response was insane. I put down a deposit at a Marriott [where I’d host the expo] and spent two months promoting it.

That community became such a support system for me. Through that practice, I started to feel like myself again. I started to feel the “sparkle” come back. My body is slowly but surely recovering. I’m accepting and loving myself again. 

I’m doing the Long Island Pilates and Wellness Expo again this year—bringing in vendors, sponsors, partnerships, everything.

What do you wish more people knew about postpartum depression, especially moms who didn’t experience it the first time?

Marsigliano: No amount of books can prepare you for real life. With my first, I felt super prepared but also was able to go with the flow. With my second, I thought, We’ve got this! We just did this. But it was a completely different experience.

One of my New Year’s resolutions is to ask for help when I need it. I want other people to be able to do the same. 

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Kristina Dawson