A woman said that she was thrilled when she learned that her stepdaughter had gotten engaged. However, she and her husband are in a rough spot now as they struggle to deal with a “completely absurd” request ahead of the big day.
Taking to Reddit‘s popular “Am I the A–hole” forum, the excited stepmom noted that she and her husband blended their families when they got married. They each had children from previous relationships and went on to welcome two kids together.
After hearing that her “bonus” daughter was tying the knot, she said that the couple was “over the moon” but explained why there were now some tensions.
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In her post, the woman explained that she, her husband and their young children lived comfortably but were not well off.
However, they were expected to foot the bill for half of the wedding since the bride-to-be was taking a “traditional” approach to wedding planning where her family pays for everything.
“This idea of spending so much money on a wedding has always been completely absurd to me,” the woman said. “For my own first marriage, I did a nature theme, married outside, had a potluck, etc. It wasn’t pricy at all.”
She added, “My husband feels the same way in terms of how silly expensive weddings are. We are nature people, in general. We grow a lot of our own food, try to support local businesses, etc, and just aren’t really materialistic in any sense of the word.”
Explaining that she worked a part-time job to be there for their younger children, the woman added that they needed “to maintain a reasonable budget” and said that they “barely have *any* money to contribute” to the nuptials.
On the flip side, she said that her “bonus” daughter’s mom and her husband were “pretty financially well off.”
She wanted to know if it was wrong to not want to pay for the wedding and found answers from fellow Redditors.
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Many Redditors agreed that it wasn’t their responsibility to pay for the wedding.
One person wrote that no one was ever wrong to not want to “[foot] the bill for an expensive wedding they did not agree to pay for.”
They added, “If possible, discuss what amount you can give to your step daughter (no strings attached) and dad should tell her ASAP that you’d both be delighted to contribute $X toward the wedding. If you can’t afford to give anything, also tell her that right now in clear terms.”
Another agreed, pointing out that the bride and groom were “adults” and were “not entitled to your (you + your husband’s) money.”
“They can’t just unilaterally decide ‘we’re having a big wedding.. and p.s. You’re paying for it.’ It’s 2026, not 1856,” they added.
Others pointed out that as the stepmother, it wasn’t her job to worry about this.
“This is something for her parents to manage, you can discuss it with your husband and come to a decision together but that’s where your role ends,” one person wrote, noting that it would be wrong for her to overstep her boundaries in this situation.
One Redditor said that none of the parties were currently in the wrong. However, they wrote that they sensed “resentment” toward her “bonus” daughter, who had asked her dad for money and gotten it before.
“You and your husband need to have a conversation. This isn’t about you and your bonus daughter. What are his expectations? Work together to come up with a budget you can afford. He needs to step in and make it clear to his daughter what you all are willing to contribute as a unit. Brides need to work with a budget, parents don’t automatically pay,” they said.
